Lately I've been feeling rather "dumped" for the lack of better words. I'm feeling lost in the area of relationships. Not with my husband or family, but with my friends. The ones closest to me. The ones I've grown with, found success with. Laughed with and cried with. They are part of your eveyday's, part of your thought processes and then all of a sudden. gone. not there. It's hard. I know everyone is busy and likely I am one of the busiest, but I chose this. Happily chose it. What some may not understand is that I not know much else then to be "busy". I'm so in love with my job and could not imagine NOT doing what I do. So it may be hard for me to say no at times. It's certainly something I'm trying to work on. We also chose to have three children, we choose to put them in activities that may eat up our summer evenings. And we are so very okay with that.
I'm finding it hard to spend time with my closest girls. Then my mind starts to drift. Perhaps they don't want to spend time with me. Maybe I upset them or they're just done with being around Joc and her chaos. Or maybe they feel the mom guilt to not spending time with their girls and rather going to that soccer game with the kiddos instead. Over all I am pretty kick ass with balance and making it all work but this part... I suck. And how many texts are too many? How many random times do you keep trying and when does one just give up? I know everyone grows and changes and that is just part of life. But sometimes it just plain hurts. Being kicked to the curb hurts. because they've found something or someone better. Simply because I don't have the same beliefs as someone.. I find this religion thing such a hard subject and so disturbing... how one says all is welcomed and everyone matters yet I get kicked to the curb? just doesn't make any sense to me. Over all it's sad as it's created SO many of our world's problems. Why can't everyone just love everyone just the way they are. ugh... sorry this is a WHOLE other blog post! yikes.
Woman are tricky people. They can be so sweet and kind, nurturing and trustworthy and then awful and sour, cold and hurtful. Most all times, without even knowing it or knowing it and coming off as "i don't know what you're talking about" to others. Some days I wish I were a man. Not only to piss standing up but to not feel so much, to not care so much. just brush it off the shoulder and move on. I honestly don't think it's in our dna to do so. Woman are far too complex. I feel badly for boys trying to figure us out.
so here I am again with this writing thing. I'm really trying to make this good for ya but again, it's just not my cup of joe. I'll get better, I promise. This was a "get it off my chest" kind of day or few months rather. Just so much weighing on my mind as I ask myself "why not me" sometimes.
SO here's to embracing new friendships and trying to move forward. Taking the past as growth and keeping those beautiful moments locked into the happy times shared. I will work to better myself for me and whomever follows my journey with me will be there. I think that's all I can do.